Monthly Archives: June 2012

OMFG… not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach!!


Yeah, I should have called it a day with exhaustion induced hallucinations. But silly me decided that the health and well being of my 77 lb baby needed to come before my own personal deep desire to sleep.  We had to go back to the vet because I didn’t feel like he was getting any better, maybe even worse. Gil had to drive because I was SO tired I knew I was not safe behind the wheel.  I was pretty much afraid that I was going to start fantasizing about Smurfs running up the highway and in an effort to avoid hitting them I would end up careening off into Penhorn lake and killing us both.

We corralled Oliver into the dogmobile (breaking Lulu’s heart yet again that we were leaving her home alone) and set of for the vet’s office.  If only I could hit pause there and avoid the next hour of my life.  Wouldn’t it be nice if life worked like that?

Instead I got to the vets office and could not get my terrified dog out of the car. That was the fun part.

Then the doctor who told me that we had spent more than $400 on an incorrect diagnosis at the doggy ER.  But at least now we had a correct some diagnosis and some good pain meds.

Can we pause there??  No no, if we stop there then I could just quietly, wearily fume about spending money we didn’t have. However if we ended there I couldn’t tell you about the most horrid, disgusting  and humiliating of my day/week/month/year(?).

Gil and I were waiting out front when the vet came and told us that Oliver was experiencing some diarrhea so they were going to give him some additional meds to help with that. Okay, that is yucky but meds were going to fix it, yay.  Too bad we didn’t get a chance to have the meds before we left the office. Instead what happened is that before we could pay and leave my dog had a massive torrent of the most eye watering, nauseating, nothing short of evil, diarrhea ALL over the floor.  Gil ran him outside while I proceed to apologize, gag and clean up. After we had it all cleaned up Gil and Oliver came back in while I was still paying, gagging and apologizing and then…. I know you have guessed already because you are very smart, but please let me have the satisfaction of delivering the punch line…. it happened ALL OVER AGAIN!   People it was a river of crap!!  I wish this were an exaggeration but you can call the office and speak to the lovely ladies who work there, if they are done gagging yet.


OMFG! (Yeah it is a cussin’ kind of day)


Okay so I was up ALL night listening to my baby boy cry.  I don’t really know what is like when your baby is an actual human but I assume that you spend a lot of time rocking and patting their backs. I know when my niece was small she really liked it if you walked back and forth up and down the hall for hours at a time patting her diaper clad bottom and promising her ponies if she would just shut up for half an hour. But my baby is a 77lb Greyhound with sever anxiety disorder and, presently, a very sorry leg. Yeah, you try pacing the floors with THAT in your arms!

So needless to say I am … tired seems like such an easy word, it doesn’t convey the bones gnawing weariness. I think I have actually started to hallucinate, which while kind of amusing is actually pretty scary. I wish I were kidding but I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

What’s worse is that my boss, god bless her, looked at me today and declared that I looked “Fresh!”  What does that even mean?  I will tell you what it means, either she was drinking before coming into work today (and who could blame her?) or she started to use another word that started with F but then realized that would send me under my desk, thumb in mouth for the rest of the day. Just kidding.. I don’t really suck my thumb.



Alright I have NEVER attempted to hide, obfuscate, conceal or suppress what I am about to tell you. But on the other hand I have never taken out a billboard to advertise, I didn’t think it was pertinent but there has been something rubbing raw the last little while and it has driven me to be vocal.

Are you getting nervous for the big reveal?  You are probably hoping for something juicy from my lurid past. A sexual dalliance with a public figure? A criminal record? An addiction to smoking crushed goldfish crackers?

Well I won’t keep you waiting any longer the big, non-secret is this… I believe in GOD!

Please don’t fall off your chair, pick your jaw up off the the floor and hold on to your hats because there is more!

I also believe in … SCIENCE!  I think they make a really cute odd couple much like Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, both kind of creepy but somehow still a good match.

Technically I identify Catholic. That is mostly out of deference and respect for my Mother, who is dead and a saint so any disparaging remarks about her Catholicism can stop RIGHT THERE.  Also I really enjoy the pomp and circumstance of Catholicism, it appeals to the drama queen in me. But let me be clear that identifying Catholic and being a practicing Catholic are very different.  By personal belief system is probably more closely related to spiritualism. But I like to think I am catholic, with a small c.

Here are some things that my beliefs bring to me…

  • I believe in evolution
  • I believe evolution does not preclude a divine touch
  • I believe in a woman’s right to choose what is right for her own body
  • I believe every person should have the right to marry the person they love. Period.
  • I believe every citizen should have the right to vote
  • I believe in the sanctity of life
  • I believe in some form of after life
  • I believe in souls
  • I beleive in the power of prayer, vibes, good thoughts
  • I believe that people for the most part are inheranlty good.
  • I believe in social justice.

Here is what my belief in God does NOT make me….

  • I am not a red neck
  • I am not a hillbilly
  • I am not uneducated
  • I am not a pedophile
  • I don’t believe that people are born dirty or sinful
  • I am not homophobic
  • I am  not a prude
  • I am not small minded
  • I am not a zealot
  • I am not a bigot
  • I am not stupid
  • I am not a bad person

When I see people I know and respect disparage people of faith, when they paint us all with one brush I find it hard to continue to respect them.  Not only that but also it hurts my feeling. I don’t like to be called stupid and that is exactly what is happening.   Yes there are people who believe in god and religion who are ignorant, small minded bullies but those people exist in every single walk of life, they are not limited to those who believe is some kind of higher power.

What I am trying to say is that there are a lot of people like me. People with open hearts and open minds who believe there is enough room in the universe for religion and science to walk around holding hands and singing songs.  And the people like me, we are tired of being marginalized by both sides.  Please respect that and think about the people like me before making blanket statements about Christians or religious folk.


Time for some truth tellin’…