Monthly Archives: November 2013

Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. ~Rabindranath Tagore

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Today Gil and I were given the great honour of becoming godparents to just about the sweetest little baby boy to ever grace our lives. 

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Dear Logan,

I promise that I will do my best to help you become the best you that you can possibly be. I promise to listen to you when you talk to me. I promise to help you not to grow up too fast and enjoy the many blessings of childhood.We are going to stop and smell the flowers a lot. I promise to cover my fridge in your art. I promise to try really hard to make it to all those special moments you will have, birthday parties, school concerts, sports games or boy scout parades. I promise to try and teach you that time is a more precious gift than things. I promise you and your parents that I will respect their authority. Their rules and methods come first because that is what is best for you and for everyone.  I promise to try and be a role model for you about how to be a good person, how to live with integrity and how to be true to yourself. I promise to teach you values that I feel every good human being should have, respect, cooperation, understanding, forgiveness, courtesy, responsibility, loyalty, self-control, and open-mindedness.  I promise to teach you knock knock jokes and read you Dr. Seuss.  I promise that when we are spending time together I will put my phone/computer away and give you my full attention. I am going to leave math and science to your godfather.  Because I am your GODmother I am promise to try and answer any questions you have about religion, the mystical, the divine as honestly, respectfully and thoughtfully as possible. I won’t always have the answers but I will never feed you a line or pass the buck.

I am really looking forward to all the adventures that we will have in the years to come, to all the happy memories we will make with your Mom, Dad, big sister and all your uncles, aunt and cousin. I am deeply gratified that your parents thought enough of me and my awesome husband to make us such a special part of your life.

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BEST DAMN DAY EVER!!

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You may recall last month my Sweet Baboo and I celebrated our wedding anniversary last month. Seven awesome years. And my amazing, thoughtful husband got me this…

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The paper is a gift certificate for “A day to do whatever the F*#K you want”

Well after much planing on my part today was the day and what a day it was!

It started with a nice sleep in which after the last week I really, really needed.

While I was snoozing hubby was gone to the market to pick up all the fixings for breakfast in bed

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This juice is amazing, Good Morning, Love: Orange, Apple, Ginger, Carrot!

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Bacon from Sweet Williams, eggs from Bayview farms.

Next up was a free pass from all chores and pet duties.

I had a long hot bubble bath follow by an awesome back massage.

Then my wonderful husband did this….

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We both chilled and played video games for a while and then we ran some errands. I got coffee’s and ice cream which fueled us for our adventure to find some good photos for taking.

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I stopped for a pee on this beach. Weee!

We got lost on our way back into town which was actually a lot of fun, we are weird like that. When got back to Dartmouth we hit WingDings for some lunch, dang they make some fine wings!

We came home and took a break from all our adventuring, Gil played some Saints Row and I got my crafty on.

When it was time for dinner we grabbed some grub from Cheese Curds…

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Imageand we had a picnic in bed while watched marathon episodes of Supernatural …. which is where I am right now!

I am married to most incredible man in the entire universe and he made today wonderful but every day I am with him is magical.

I love you baby!

Old Memories…

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I was listening to some coworkers talking today and it triggered the strongest memory for me. They were discussing weekend plans to go to Costco and someone commented that they would be going on an empty stomach to save room for all the food samples and for some reason the idea of the samples made me panic a little. This surprised me since I pretty much love anything that has to do with food. So I hearkened back to see what may cause this strange reaction and I I found this long buried memory.

In the weeks and months after my Mother died my alcoholic dad didn’t exactly hold his shit together. He was lost in a drunken haze for what felt like an eternity. I wasn’t old enough to really know how to cook anything beyond toast and my teenage brothers tried to hold the fort down but they were only kids themselves. So once the casseroles were all gone we had to fend for ourselves. Fortunately (?) we lived a stones throw for the IGA and that’s how the sample lady entered my life.

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I spent a lot of time wandering around the Sackville TownCenter avoiding the complete clusterfuck at home. I am sure a nine year old wandering the aisles of the grocery store must have raised an eyebrow or two but I never did anything naughty, I never stuffed anything extra in my pockets or made a mess. But one day while I was wandering around I came across a lady offering me a tasty treat… for free. I made another loop around the store then doubled back around for another taste. I got another few laps in before she got frustrated and sent me away looking agonized and probably wondering where this brat’s parents were.

The next week I was back and so was she, and the week after that and the week after that. I am not sure at what point she realized there was something wrong with me, with my situation but after a while she stopped cutting me off and sometimes she even set a little more aside for me. I doubt those tasters kept me from starving to death but they were a lifeline nonetheless and I hope some how Karma managed to repay her for her kindness towards a scrawny little kid who was desperately clinging to any shred of humanity. Thank you Sample Lady!

Day 47 – Baby It’s cold Outside!

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Dudes it is FREEZING out. Where the hell did winter come from?   I don’t remember it being this cold last November. Speaking of last November, a year ago today I was out for a run with coach Dan and I took one wrong step… boom!  It’s probably over dramatic to say EVERYTHING changed but I will say that one misstep has made a big impact on my life. First was the endless weeks in the cast and then the physio and I guess I expected eventually my foot would just go back to “normal”. But so far that is a pipe dream. My foot has never gone back to the same size it was before, it seems to be perpetually swollen. Some days if I have been on my feet a lot or the weather sucks I get full on cankle, oh yeah I have an old lady weather predicting foot! Sexy stuff kids.  After making excuse after excuse I have all but given up on running because the truth is I find it hurts, the pain varies from discomfort to “won’t some chop the effing foot off please” but it never feels good.  The worst thing is how nervous I feel about hurting it again. Gil finally convinced me to anti-slip grips in the tub so that I could relax a little while I am in the shower but yesterday I had a full blown panic attack when I was stepping on some leaves in our backyard because they were slippery. I am thirty eight, too effing young to be worried about falling, but I am seriously thinking about investing in a LifeAlert

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I had an appointment with my specialist OBGYN today to talk about the results of my CTScan from last month. It was a pretty frustrating appointment. One of the down sides of having a doc at a teaching hospital is that they often use unusual circumstances as “teaching moment”. There were so many people in my business today I felt like a clown car. I was SO frustrated so of course I was cracking jokes; I was pretty much on fire, when when doctor asked if he could examine me I actually said “Of course, welcome to my vagina!” I thought the nurse was going to have a stroke.  Anyway I am no closer to an answer. Dr. R says I am a medical marvel, it’s not a hernia, and it’s not a bartholin cyst.  He actually used the word STUMPED.  He is not giving up and urged patience which I will give him ‘cause I kind of love him. And then he TRICKED me, he said “since you’re up there….” and grabbed a speculum.  Jerk!

Martha Stewart Eat Your Heart Out!

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Do you ever get a song stuck in your head? Most people do from time to time. For some people it is chronic, my husband, god bless him, once had the theme song from Mario Bros stuck in his head for three very long months. No word of a lie.

Me, I don’t get songs so much but I get words and phrases that seem to pop into my head from out of the ether and get really good and stuck in my brain, winding it’s way over and over, sometimes driving me insane…

Today the word is FIDUCIARY!

fiduciary  fɪˈdjuːʃ(ə)ri/

adjective.
  1. LAW
    involving trust, especially with regard to the relationship between a trustee and a beneficiary.
    “the company has a fiduciary duty to shareholders”
  2. FINANCE
    (of a paper currency) depending for its value on securities (as opposed to gold) or the reputation of the issuer.
    I just thought I would share that with you so you would know how weird I am.
    Speaking of things I want to share.  I was going to keep these to myself until Christmas but I am so pleased with my hard work I just need had to give you another peek…
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    Worth all the sticky-glue-gun-burnt-finger hassle. And only about 20 more to go!   🙂

Arts & Crafts Time!

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I spent a lot of time working on my Christmas cards. My fingers are killing me.  I unfolded 252 tiny little poky brads, my the tips of my fingers feel like i put them in a meat grinder. On the other hand I am super pleased with how they are coming together. I can’t wait to see the finished project. In the mean time I will give you a sneak peak.

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Days 53 & 52 – All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother. ~Abraham Lincoln

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Okay so I have a few things on my mind tonight. The first is NaNo and I have to tell you, it’s just not working out. I just can’t keep up the writing schedule AND keep my house clean, get food on the table, work full time and basically stay sane.  I know it is only day 9 but I am already frazzled, it’s not worth it to get stressed out over something that is supposed to be fun. So yeah I quit … again. Someone remind me next year when I say this sounds like a good idea okay?

Part of the problem is that it’s November and try as I might November just eats me up like a great yawning pit. Every year I try and prepare for it but no matter what I do it still sneaks up and kicks my ass. Partially it is the dark and cold which I just have such a difficult time adjusting too. Partially it is biology, I am predisposed to depression, it’s just in my genes. This year I am struggling additionally because I am having difficulty with the way I am treated by my customers at work. I new that this would be a difficult gig when I started, I knew that I was going to have to develop thicker skin but honestly nothing in my life prepared me for the way I would be treated by members of the public while I worked for the most hated utility in NS.  I don’t want to get into a lengthy diatribe about this now but suffice to say I leave work most days feeling so discouraged that I just want to crawl into bed and loose myself in some junky TV and forget the rest of the world exists. That is hard to cope with when you are already trying to fend of depression.

Mostly November sucks because it will always be the month that I lost the most important person in my life. It will always be the month my heart was broken beyond repair.  On November 10th 1984 I lost my mother and everything was forever changed. I know lots of people have lost a parent and I am not in any way saying that the pain of losing my mom is worse than anyone else’s, I am saying that for me it is … everything, it became part of my DNA, a wound that has never healed correctly and every cold, dark, grey November picks at the scab a little, letting the the depression in or out or both.

 

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This is how November makes me feel, dangerously walking the center line. But I have learned one very important lesson from doing this so many times.

It will get better!

The days will get longer

The sun will come out

There will be twinkling Christmas lights

I will enjoy the company of my friends

Life is good!

Which means it’s okay for me to feel sad. It’s okay for me to not have all the answers. It’s okay for me to struggle… just as long as I don’t give up.