I have heard from several of my girlfriends how cool they think it is that I am going away on my own. More than one has called it brave. That’s pretty cool. The majority of the feedback has been about eating alone which seems to be a real fear for some people. I have done it many times but I stated to think about it then over think it. So this morning I am doing a test… breakfast by myself at the Creperie.
I had a lovely chat with the girl who took my order about what is more terrifying scuba diving or sky diving (it was a tip cup thing). I sat in a nice sunny central location where I could people watch. And I sat for a good while enjoying my coffee and breakfast and no one seemed to notice that I was alone. No one noticed me at all except when my phone dinged loudly because my my ringer volume is set to max (it’s my on call week, don’t judge). It was a perfect lovely morning, not scary or uncomfortable at all. I actually think everyone should go out on their own. Take yourself on a date, spend some time with your thoughts after all you are a pretty cool person!
In the plotting and planning and prepping for my trip (IN 11 DAYS!) I have had to start thinking about what to wear for the dreaded airplane ride. It’s a really early morning flight on a plane that is going to be small and squishy and I am going to be…. fretful. So I want to be comfortable, comfy is a big factor ( I am big with comfy!) but I don’t want to look like a hobo either. There is most certainly a part of me that remembers when a trip on an airplane was sacrosanct. When I was a wee lass I flew several times with my Nanny, NO jeans or sneakers for this girl. I mean and these trips were FORMAL, Sunday best, pretty dress, pantyhose, black patent leather Mary Janes, posh stuff! It was definitely a different world back then, people didn’t wear PJ’s to the grocery store and I brushed my hair before I went out in public.
7 years old, total baller!
So yesterday it snowed and tonight it is so cold I need layers! I mean … It’s almost MAY! There forecast is calling for flurries overnight! It April showers are supposed to bring May flowers what the hell will April flurries bring? I’ll tell you what, it will bring a cranky Meggy!!! I hope Toronto will have better weather. I have been promised Spring weather for my vacation. All this cold, shivering, layering, foolishness is making me a grump. I mean sunshine is nice but I don’t want to have to wear mitts and a toque just to go to the green bin. I want to sit on my deck and drink tea. I want to putter in my garden. I want to go for walks and BBQ and mow the lawn. UGG!!
If you could see my face right now it would look a little something like this…
That is to say, I am SO excited! In two weeks I will be getting ready to jet off on a grand adventure. Now I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a few reservations. The flying, the relying on my self for getting around and not getting mugged. But I am 99.9% over the moon excited. Packing has started, lists are being crossed off, Ativan is being procured. I am even having dreams about my adventure and they aren’t nightmares. SQUEEEE!
My friend T share a love of crime related entertainment, heist movies, legal based tv shows and documentaries about crime/criminals/trials. It is made much more interesting watching with her because she is a lawyer and answers all my cries of “Is THAT legal”with actual legal knowledge. Recently we decided to watch Making A Murderer together on Netflix. I am some how managed to avoid any spoilers on social media in the last few months so I honestly had no idea what we were in for. HOLY HELL! Half of me can’t tear myself away from this show and half of me is sorry we ever started watching it. I think the only reason I haven’t thrown something at the TV is because is because it’s not my TV to break. Tonight we finished episode 6 of 10. I have absolutely no idea how it’s going to turn out so no spoilers please! But I can tell you that my faith in humanity has taken a serious hit.
It’s been a busy weekend as we have begun to really spring into Spring!
Friday night I had tickets to a charity event that turned out to be REALLY not my cup of tea so I bailed after about 20 minutes and had an impromptu date with my sweet husband and then an impromptu nightcap with friends I had not seen in a long time.
At long last our basement renovation is FINALLY done and I able to put everything back and move Gil’s craft area into a new, beautiful spot. I worked my butt off on Saturday gutting the computer room which has served dual purpose as Gil’s craft room and has become very frightening in the past year. I took out bags and bags of garbage and recycling. When everything is moved downstairs (which will actually probably take a while) I am going to scrub the room within an inch of it’s life and then I am going to finally paint it! We’ve only lived here 8 years, no big deal. Then I am going to reassemble the room as an actual computer room with a spot where Gil and I can watch TV/movies together and a futon so we can have a guest crash and not have to sleep with our farting dogs. No one wants to sleep with my farting dogs, trust me! I took a couple of progress pictures but they are so awful I am not going to share. But I promise that when the room is done I will post a before and after.
Today was supposed to be my day to sleep in but by foolish body had other plans so I was up with the birds… and the dogs and the cats and the stud muffin husband. But I took advantage of the extra hours. I took myself out for a nice breakfast, I ran a ton of errands and a few light chores around the house. Plus I got a lot of planning done for the impending softball season! Then I spent the day with some of my nerd pals pretending to be super heroes! We won’t see each other again until late in June so it was nice to get some time in together although I did miss my weekly dodgeball fix.
The coming week is a busy one so I got all the meal planning out of the way and a good long list of things that I want to get accomplished. I am hoping the sun continues to shine and motivate me to banish stale ol’ winter from our house.
So I am not a big fan of horror movies but I love it when my husband watches them and then relays them back to me because he does it in such away that they end up sounding like comedies. I am thinking about this because the other day I was talking to my brother Deedee about how when we talk about our childhood it ends up sounding like a comedy. People are often shocked at the jokes I make about how bad things were but for me it is a necessity because if you can’t laugh about it you’re gonna cry. And I am thinking about THAT because… today I can’t laugh.
I am not sure exactly what happened. I think it started with talking with a friend last night whose daughter will be nine in a few weeks. Nine is a hard age for me, it got me thinking about Mom. Then there was the headache, well the first headache, the one in my neck, then I was worrying about friend, then came the second headache, the one in my sinuses, yeah two separate headaches at the same time! And then before I knew it I was wallowing. I wanted to be alone, away from humans, but out of my house so I got in the care and drove… for 3 hours. I toured past some of the old hot spots of my youth and just felt BAD but it wasn’t until I was almost back home again that I figured out how this day got from just feeling lousy to a a full on revival of the greatest hurts. It was the picture!
I dug this picture out to share for #throwbackthursday and while I was looking at it my brain got tricked. It’s a picture of a happy, pretty little girl, dreaming a big things. There is a canopy bed above me and though I cropped the picture for sharing, at me feet there is a veritable army of stuffed friends. I look happy and normal. It made me wistful for earlier times, for a mom and dad, and dance class and big brothers with alligators on their shirts. It made my heartache for lasagna dinner with candles in Perrier bottles, the blue splotch on the rec-room wall I made with oil paints, Siamese cats and lopi sweaters. It made me feel sorry for myself which I HATE because I don’t feel sorry myself. I hate the horrible ache in my chest and the tears that are burning my eyes but what I miss is a lie. The picture is a lie. The picture is one moment sandwiched between god awful shit, anger and violence, hate fuel by alcohol and jealousy and cancer. That little girl was choking on fear because every time she turned around someone was ripping the world out from underneath her.
So there it is. Tonight I don’t feel happy or goofy or comedic. I feel sad that that’s why. But I would rather share my genuine sadness then stew silently and tomorrow is another day!