You call them Halloween treats I call them NANOWRIMO motivational nuggets of sugar. I don’t care how naughty they. They got me to 8k words. Write on mighty NANOWRIMO warriors.
Okay so I have a few things on my mind tonight. The first is NaNo and I have to tell you, it’s just not working out. I just can’t keep up the writing schedule AND keep my house clean, get food on the table, work full time and basically stay sane. I know it is only day 9 but I am already frazzled, it’s not worth it to get stressed out over something that is supposed to be fun. So yeah I quit … again. Someone remind me next year when I say this sounds like a good idea okay?
Part of the problem is that it’s November and try as I might November just eats me up like a great yawning pit. Every year I try and prepare for it but no matter what I do it still sneaks up and kicks my ass. Partially it is the dark and cold which I just have such a difficult time adjusting too. Partially it is biology, I am predisposed to depression, it’s just in my genes. This year I am struggling additionally because I am having difficulty with the way I am treated by my customers at work. I new that this would be a difficult gig when I started, I knew that I was going to have to develop thicker skin but honestly nothing in my life prepared me for the way I would be treated by members of the public while I worked for the most hated utility in NS. I don’t want to get into a lengthy diatribe about this now but suffice to say I leave work most days feeling so discouraged that I just want to crawl into bed and loose myself in some junky TV and forget the rest of the world exists. That is hard to cope with when you are already trying to fend of depression.
Mostly November sucks because it will always be the month that I lost the most important person in my life. It will always be the month my heart was broken beyond repair. On November 10th 1984 I lost my mother and everything was forever changed. I know lots of people have lost a parent and I am not in any way saying that the pain of losing my mom is worse than anyone else’s, I am saying that for me it is … everything, it became part of my DNA, a wound that has never healed correctly and every cold, dark, grey November picks at the scab a little, letting the the depression in or out or both.
This is how November makes me feel, dangerously walking the center line. But I have learned one very important lesson from doing this so many times.
It will get better!
The days will get longer
The sun will come out
There will be twinkling Christmas lights
I will enjoy the company of my friends
Life is good!
Which means it’s okay for me to feel sad. It’s okay for me to not have all the answers. It’s okay for me to struggle… just as long as I don’t give up.
I have been trying really hard to be a good little little NaNobot so just about every free moment I have had had been dedicated to getting the words down. Alll my breaks at work, lunch time and all evening when I get home. All this at the expense of my sanity and any house work, I have seen kitchen in frat houses that look less scary than mine. But tonight my creative juices are dried up. Work has been evil this week and I just needed to spend sometime with my sweet baboo, eat some ice cream and post some pictures for you fine folks. There is a long weekend coming and that means lots of time to cram in a few thousand words, along with some cooking, some cleaning and some friend time.
I don’t know why but seeing things with the old MTT logo just tickles me. How old IS this cone?
Okay I really do KNOW that it is too early for Christmas but I am just nutty about the lights.
Hey! Guess what? I made good on my promise! I picked up my camera today! Now that I have caught up my word count for NaNo I can try and balance everything a little better. I feel like I have a lot of irons in the fire but as so often happens when I my attention is split in too many directions, nothing is getting finished. However tonight I managed to play a little but of catch up.
Gil and I had a hot date tonight at Home Depot, I know you are jealous, don’t be hatin’! We got a new towel rack, a new shower head (I murdered our old one this weekend), a new storm door handle AND new locks for both outside doors. Holy shit we are livin’ large!!
I have also been doing a little pre-holiday prep work. I don’t mean like putting up a tree or lights or anything crazy like that but making Christmas cards takes a certain amount of planning and I have gotten through stage 1…
I loves me some pretty paper!
Okay you have had your update now I have to get back to writing my crappy story or Gil says the clown will get me.
Nightly night my mighty peeps!
I spent a large part of today thinking about if I want to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. For those of you who are unfamiliar with NaNo it is a month long ,annual net based writing project. It that takes place every November between the 1st and 30th. The goal is to write 50,000 words of a new novel, it doesn’t have to be good, you are encouraged not to edit, The only thing that matters is that it is original and that you complete the 50,000 by the 30th.
I participated for the first time in 2011 and it was an amazing experience. I completed the project in under 30 days. I threw myself into utterly, writing like my life depended on it. Though the subject matter was kind of dark I felt amazing, like I had really accomplished something. That year my seasonal depression was the best it had ever been, especially in November which is usually my worst month.
Last year I couldn’t find my mojo. Every time I sat down to write it felt like a chore. The story wasn’t gelling and worse what was coming out was so depressing it made me feel awful. In the end I walked away from it and didn’t end up completing the challenge.
This year I have a few good ideas rattling around in my head and a serious interest however I have a busier, less predictable schedule. I am torn. Fortunately I have 15 more days to get my ducks in a row and decide. Do you have a story brewing in you? Would you take a month out of your life to write 50,000 words?
Good day ladies and gents,
It is a lovely sunny day and I am immensely grateful for having a window in my office. At the hospital I had TWO offices and no windows, truly it was hell.
My mind is racing today with ideas for my story, I am getting really excited about November, this is the first time I have ever felt this way about that month.