So yesterday I had myself a good ol’ fashioned melt down. It wasn’t pretty, I wasn’t proud but it was coming and today… well today is another day.
It had been brewing for a while. A few things happened leading up to melt-fest ’16. I mentioned earlier in the month that I had so post traveling blues. Shortly after that I heard some news that didn’t impact me directly but shook me up and left me feeling really deeply hurt for a few weeks and I just couldn’t shake it. Add to this the sleep and mood crap that comes with the joys of perimenopause, an old sick dog who is breaking my heart and yes… you guessed it, it got dark!
But I have decided that today I am picking myself up. I am finding the bright spots. I am taking in all the words of kindness from my friends, I am going to find my gratitude, my center. Yeah I will have crappy days and that’s okay because I know there is ALWAYS a better day coming.
Mental health… ain’t it grand?!
My current bought of winter blues not withstanding this has been a pretty good. The weather was bad but actual outages were very minimal so I didn’t end up working a ridiculous amount of overtime. I was so incredibly grateful that I work at home and I didn’t have travel in that shite and that my Sweet Baboo can, if needs be, work from home. I noticed late in the week that I had not actually left our property in 5 days so that is something I have to work on. It is so easy to become a homebody in these circumstances.
On another front (although in fairness possibility related to my present mental health) I believe I am fully into perimenopause. Before I lost the ovary I was already producing a preciously small amount of estrogen. After my surgery that got cut in half. I noticed some changes after I had started feeling better. It wasn’t anything dramatic, just a bunch of little things that I didn’t even think were connected. By Christmas I had put two and two together and realized what was going on. Then this evening…. I had my first bona fide hot flash. Holy sweet mother of Zeus! There is no way for me to describe it except that someone set my inner temp to BROIL. I am not going to be sitting on the fence waiting to see if things get better or worse,I am heading to the doctor this week to discuss options. I don’t necessarily want to do HRT but I know that sitting around and sweating it out is not going to work for this broad. I have much better things to be doing with MY time thank you very much!