Hubby is away. I have have a great bottle of red. I have been waiting for a night like this.
I have been trying hard to be a good girl with my money, especially since Aimee and I will be in Toronto in FIVE days I will probably want to spend a dollar or two when I am there. But today Aimee and I were at Michael’s and I found this AWESOME deal. I have been eyeing this Smashbook for months and it was on sale from $20 to $5 HOLY CRAP!!! Needless to say it is now mine all mine. So many things I love at once, Hello Kitty, journaling and SALES.
Today I woke with an intolerable ache in my chest. I slept well, it’s Saturday and I had a bunch of fun things planed but I really wanted to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. I pulled my self out of bed to discover my massage appointment had been cancelled, the dog had an accident on the living room floor and the weather meant I was likely going to get called in for a storm shift. These things with are individually annoying seemed absolutely devastating. I saw people I know, people I love, people who raised a toast of champagne to my birthday (even more fun a month later) and I found it all very enjoyable. But it did not take away the ache or the weight or tears and anxiety.
So what is the matter? What could have happened to give me a day like this? The answer is …. nothing. This is life with depression.Yesterday I was fine, today my brain misfired. IT happens. Nothing precipitated it, I couldn’t have stopped it. It is what it is. Tomorrow it could all be over or I could lay in bed and cry all day. But it’s going to be okay. I have have the tools to get through to the next good day. I have an incredible support network and fighting these episodes make them worse not better. Resistance is futile so I am going to let myself feel shitty, pull the covers up over my head and give myself permission to have a bad day.
Well to date May has been my most successful month, I only missed ONE day. I must really like talking to you guys! I feel very proud of all those red X’s. I am looking forward to tomorrow and revealing what the next month has in store for me. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this last month. You Ma’h Peeps Yo!
Well Saturday started with much promise, took a big dip into crappy town in the middle but was saved with an awesome ending.
The first hour of the day was spent snuggling puppies, drinking tea and watching Walking With Dinosaurs. It doesn’t get a lot better than that. When Gilly got up we went to my office to clean the fish’s water and then we hit the market for a new mint plant for our summer mojitos and Nomad Gourmet for chicken and waffles (damn yo! SO GOOD!) Then we went to pick up my new glasses and we stopped into Giant Robot where Gil bought me a pair of PINKIE PIE SOCKS!!! I plan on wearing this little gems into my surgery, They have a definitive good luck vibe. From there we hit Home Depot, we are redoing all the front flower beds this summer and we need LOTS of supplies. I had so much fun picking stuff out, but a headache was starting to creep in. We stopped for lunch at Cha Baa Thai and I had a grand feed of masaman curry which was amazing but by the time we left the headache had taken full root and we still had to hit the SuperStore for groceries and the garden center. Somewhere between the produce section and the cash register the headache turned me into a heinous bitch and I just wanted to get home. We grabbed out mulch and got back to the house as quick as we could but by then it was just too late, I took some Advil and prayed the headache would abate. I ended up sleeping for three hours which totally cut into all the house work and yard work I had planned, and worse the headache was still not gone but we had dinner plans I didn’t want to cancel because we had a really hard time finding time to meet up with these friends so I had a shower and just sucked it up.
So I know it sounds like the beginning of a joke but tonight I had dinner with a doctor, a PhD physicist and a EMT with a recently acquired Masters chemistry degree, oh and my genius husband was there too. I try not to think about the number of degree’s and sheer amount of education sitting at that table or I would never be able to open my mouth to join the conversation. These people are my friends, I love them and I know they don’t care that the last level of schooling I saw to completion was high school, but if I spent too much time thinking about it I would feel so dumb. We had a beautiful meal, homemade pasta and sauce, salad, homemade bread, lovely Italian wine, chocolate and strawberry stuffed crepes. Then we shared some of the coffee Gil and I brought home from Cuba and Louis and broke open one of our special bottles of Cuban rum. Somewhere around my second glass of wine my headache diminished enough that I knew I would at least make it through the evening. The food was incredible, the conversation got my neurons firing and I allowed my self to be a guinea pig for Louis’ creative bar-tending. Altogether is was a lovely, success of an evening.
Tomorrow I will try and make up for all the cleaning and gardening that didn’t get done today. I hope that if the cause of the headache is my new glasses it resolves it’s self soon. I have better things to do than mope about with a cracking skull. Life waits for no one and certainly for no headache!